“All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are
lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the
frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall
spring; renewed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be
king.”
J.R.R. Tolkien
"Not all those who wander are lost..." I grew up on these books of Tolkien and C.S. Lewis (pre "Twilight" and "Harry Potter" days). Magical worlds, mythical creatures, heroes that didn't necessarily look like heroes, taking on evil and adventures one hundred times their size. I lost myself in them. Daily, nightly... They will always be a part of me, I believe, a little bit of magic that "saved" me, as so many of my treasured books did. Which is why I believe words are so powerful, stories so wonderful, the art of telling them such a true gift (yes, that's why we have so many books in our house--smile...).
But this quote has been running through my mind as of late. It's always been a special one to me. Because I am a wanderer and always have been, but not a lost one. I just know my place isn't here and have never felt it was. Never, truly never. This big ole world has just never felt like home to me. I've never felt all that "settle down" comfy in it. Comfy in the hands that hold my soul, just not comfy on the earth these feet traverse.
At first I thought it was circumstantial. Life was kind of yucky. It just wasn't all that nice, and there wasn't anything all that wonderful going on to really make it worth the pain of living for. But God kept saying, "hang on, kid, I promise you, it's going to get better--and if you're faithful to me, I will show you that there is a plan in all of this--be strong, be tough, I'm here--it's going to hurt for awhile, but you are going to be okay". And, as always, he was right, and it got better. Much better. Of course there are always people that test you and bring you back "there", but with each of those tests you get stronger, and eventually you learn it's okay to tell them to bug off (smile). I'm all for grace, but Jesus overturned tables too. Enough is enough. And you'll know when. He'll show you that too. His timing is always perfect--because he is. Funny how that works. Yet I wander...
Because my Father is there, and I am here, so my soul is just missing him, I think. And that's all it is. And that's okay. That's how it's going to be because of sin. I've learned to embrace this about myself too, because it pushes me to be more fervent in prayer, the word, and to give of God. I know my boys feel it sometimes too--not so much G, he's pretty much in love with the earth (literally, bugs, worms, dirt, and all)--but there's just that little ache, pang, that reminds us something is missing--and the positive of that is--as I explain to Max--it keeps, draws us closer to him. And I love that--that is a blessing.
And it can be filled also by surrounding ourselves by fellow believers and lovers of God. I am so blessed to have so many sisters in Christ. So blessed. And Max is so blessed to have a few close friends that share his faith! He was so excited to find his friend, Aidan, loves the same music he does ("Mom, he knows all about 'Tenth Avenue North!!!' and he knows the song 'God's Not Dead!'--kind of rare in boys his age :)) and for him to have that support in his faith literally is one of the biggest blessings a momma could ever hope or wish for. My heart can't stop smiling for him! Griffyn loves reading his Bible stories and praying every night ("Tan I pay for four fings?"--we pray about absolutely everything--friends and family that need our prayers for health issues and problems, ask for forgiveness for our sins, thank God for our many, many blessings, pray about our hopes, dreams, and then he can pray for his wishes--smile) and I always want my boys to know how thankful I am for them--what an answer to prayer they are to me!
I also want them to understand struggle--our families struggles our friend's struggles--and to not be afraid of it. So we pray about those. Currently for me it is health and my job--both are very frustrating to me right now. We lift those up as a family to God. My boys have seen many family struggles and friend's lifted up, many family "wanderings" lifted up and so many prayers answered! We may wander, but we are not lost. With God as our compass, we are never lost. God is faithful!
And how blessed we are to struggle! Really! How blessed! That we are alive, that we are living to experience misfortune, a little bit of discomfort here or there, to grow, to learn, to be delivered, to sometimes not--and in the midst of it all, to grow a thankful heart--to always have a thankful heart.
And we will not always struggle or wander--it's easy for me to lose sight of that. But for now, the disconnect is there--and this mamma's soul can feel it. The holy spirit is alive and kicking inside, but my soul misses it's maker.
So I will wander praising, wander singing, wander loving, wander giving, wander doing with these two hands what my God designed in advance for these two hands to do far before I was ever a breath of being, with all that I am, with all I have in me, with this beautiful family, on this little planet, in this huge universe, that is not my forever home...
And one day, this soul will blissfully share forever contentedly with all those I love and wander no more...
But this quote has been running through my mind as of late. It's always been a special one to me. Because I am a wanderer and always have been, but not a lost one. I just know my place isn't here and have never felt it was. Never, truly never. This big ole world has just never felt like home to me. I've never felt all that "settle down" comfy in it. Comfy in the hands that hold my soul, just not comfy on the earth these feet traverse.
At first I thought it was circumstantial. Life was kind of yucky. It just wasn't all that nice, and there wasn't anything all that wonderful going on to really make it worth the pain of living for. But God kept saying, "hang on, kid, I promise you, it's going to get better--and if you're faithful to me, I will show you that there is a plan in all of this--be strong, be tough, I'm here--it's going to hurt for awhile, but you are going to be okay". And, as always, he was right, and it got better. Much better. Of course there are always people that test you and bring you back "there", but with each of those tests you get stronger, and eventually you learn it's okay to tell them to bug off (smile). I'm all for grace, but Jesus overturned tables too. Enough is enough. And you'll know when. He'll show you that too. His timing is always perfect--because he is. Funny how that works. Yet I wander...
Because my Father is there, and I am here, so my soul is just missing him, I think. And that's all it is. And that's okay. That's how it's going to be because of sin. I've learned to embrace this about myself too, because it pushes me to be more fervent in prayer, the word, and to give of God. I know my boys feel it sometimes too--not so much G, he's pretty much in love with the earth (literally, bugs, worms, dirt, and all)--but there's just that little ache, pang, that reminds us something is missing--and the positive of that is--as I explain to Max--it keeps, draws us closer to him. And I love that--that is a blessing.
And it can be filled also by surrounding ourselves by fellow believers and lovers of God. I am so blessed to have so many sisters in Christ. So blessed. And Max is so blessed to have a few close friends that share his faith! He was so excited to find his friend, Aidan, loves the same music he does ("Mom, he knows all about 'Tenth Avenue North!!!' and he knows the song 'God's Not Dead!'--kind of rare in boys his age :)) and for him to have that support in his faith literally is one of the biggest blessings a momma could ever hope or wish for. My heart can't stop smiling for him! Griffyn loves reading his Bible stories and praying every night ("Tan I pay for four fings?"--we pray about absolutely everything--friends and family that need our prayers for health issues and problems, ask for forgiveness for our sins, thank God for our many, many blessings, pray about our hopes, dreams, and then he can pray for his wishes--smile) and I always want my boys to know how thankful I am for them--what an answer to prayer they are to me!
I also want them to understand struggle--our families struggles our friend's struggles--and to not be afraid of it. So we pray about those. Currently for me it is health and my job--both are very frustrating to me right now. We lift those up as a family to God. My boys have seen many family struggles and friend's lifted up, many family "wanderings" lifted up and so many prayers answered! We may wander, but we are not lost. With God as our compass, we are never lost. God is faithful!
And how blessed we are to struggle! Really! How blessed! That we are alive, that we are living to experience misfortune, a little bit of discomfort here or there, to grow, to learn, to be delivered, to sometimes not--and in the midst of it all, to grow a thankful heart--to always have a thankful heart.
And we will not always struggle or wander--it's easy for me to lose sight of that. But for now, the disconnect is there--and this mamma's soul can feel it. The holy spirit is alive and kicking inside, but my soul misses it's maker.
So I will wander praising, wander singing, wander loving, wander giving, wander doing with these two hands what my God designed in advance for these two hands to do far before I was ever a breath of being, with all that I am, with all I have in me, with this beautiful family, on this little planet, in this huge universe, that is not my forever home...
And one day, this soul will blissfully share forever contentedly with all those I love and wander no more...
