It has been a week. A horrible awful no good week. This world has gone to crap. I think God is taking a nap. I feel like the disciples in the boat as the storm was raging on and the good Lord slept... "Wake up, Jesus!!!" He is bigger than this storm, he is bigger than this storm! One day he will return, and the waves will forever be still...
Monday Max had an issue at school. Taken care of, dealt with--a first for Max and not particularly pleasant for him. Marty had a track meet, I had forgotten my phone at home (but remembered to take the charger to work--classic me)--so didn't know about it till I picked him up from school. Damn, kids can be so mean. He obviously had had a bad day, asked me what a few words meant (nice), Griffyn asked him if he wanted a piece of candy (he's sweet like that) and we were on our way home...
Then hell opened up and swallowed Boston. How my heart broke for these people. Fellow runners, we have a solidarity. Just broke. Still can't stop crying when ever I think about it. The sweet pain of enduring that many miles, the relief your body would be looking forward to experiencing when crossing that finish line, that pride, that comradery of spirit--dashed by lethal explosions, blood, confusion, hysteria, death... How does one even fathom that? And the heroes that sprang to action, that didn't think twice about helping their fellow man, that were not crippled by fear, but driven by seeing their fellow man in dire need. Humanity at it's worst bringing out humanity at it's best.
So this week was one of fervent prayer, such fervent prayer... for those families that lost those they love, for those people whose lives were changed forever because a life was senselessly taken from them, for those who lost limbs, for those who lost innocence, for those who may have lost hope...
And the hate crimes begin--against those who have "brown" skin--and look suspicious--who "may be terrorists" who aren't "from here". And I look at my origins--Polish, Czechoslovakian, German, French--and I wonder, who is? Unless you are part of one of the Native American families we stole this great land from, chances are you aren't "from here" either...
I pray, fervently pray, we don't let fear and hysteria set in. That we can remain united--even in our differences--and embrace them. So many countries experience atrocities of far, far greater magnitudes than this on a daily basis and I can not imagine living in a country like that. Amidst all this chaos, I feel blessed to live in this one.
It is also amazing to me when I incite the call for peace, how much anger and hostility that brings out in people. I want peace within out country--between our fellow man--each other. Whether your skin is black, brown, yellow, white, or red--whether you believe in God, Buddha, Islam, or Mother Earth. I want peace between us and for our children. Saying I love and respect you isn't saying 'I agree with you on everything'. This truly is not hard. Let me introduce you to my family.
We have another baseball tournament in the freezing cold this weekend as spring seems to be sleeping too. And this mommy is so sick (something called para influenza) with such high fevers which does not help my emotional issues--was that real or a nightmare? So, we'll just continue to spend our days in prayer--because I really feel like that's all I can do anymore. When I attempt to speak, I am misunderstood--as this blog may be as well--but prayer--God always knows my heart, even if my words are unclear. And when I pray for peace, he knows what I mean and what my heart desires. And perfect love drives out fear.
This peaceful, fearless haven--will never be the world--I know--but it can be my home. Home, which seems so fragile now--and which I thank God for in a way that is border line obsessive--thank you for these people who love me which I can come home to each and every day--if it is your will... For we truly never know and we are silly to think we have all the time in the world.
Peace in our hearts, may we have it, may we find the grace to share it with others, and may it be as catchy as these germs I am harboring...
I truly love you, friends, so much...
So, so much...
Rest well...
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