In Max's Shoes

Can not believe that school is just around the corner and summer will soon be over.  I knew it would go by quickly, but not THIS fast, right?!?  My youngest is starting preschool and my oldest will be in a different building for 4th and 5th grade AND is turning ten very shortly.  Again, I am amazed at how quickly the time has flown by.  I think the nine months I was pregnant with each of them went more slowly then these past years ;)!

And they're growing up so very, very fast.  And last night I was re-reminded about just how hard and painful that growing up can be...

Max has been going through a bit of a slump lately.  He has been telling me he feels 'fat', 'slow', and that he will 'never be a good athlete'.  I wasn't quite sure where all of this was coming from at the tender age of almost ten, but I always try to be his biggest cheerleader--especially when he's feeling down in the dumps.  I try to encourage him and remind him that not everyone is the same and it is those differences that are to be celebrated and that just as long as you try your best, your best is ALWAYS good enough for this momma and his daddy.  Being an athlete doesn't mean you have to win a gold medal or always come first.  It's your heart, your drive, your tenacity and your willingness to never give up--oh yeah, and it's supposed to be FUN too!  Hasn't really been working.  Giving myself a big ole "F" on my parenting report card!!! 
So we've started jogging together (he's excited to run for our friend, Nicole, in the Katie's Crusaders race this October) and going on more family walks and just playing more (although I pale in comparison to playing baseball, basketball or football with Daddy ;)--I still try :)).  In short, I'm just trying to spend more time with him--and time spent with Max is usually active (okay, so I'll just admit that video games stress me out and I stink at Mario ;)).  I'll take outside over playing and losing hair over Wii ;).
So on our jog/walk last night, he asked if he could share something with me--and as always, I said "always".  He got really quiet and put his head down and said he didn't want me to be mad at anybody (always a good sign, right? ;)).  I told him I might be upset if it was something that wasn't right or hurt him, but I would openly listen without getting angry.  He proceeded to tell me about a few experiences he had over this summer and things he'd over heard someone say in front of him and in reference to him that explained so much of why he has been feeling the way he has been feeling.  Yes, it completely broke my heart and hell yes, I wanted to punch this person in the face--or at least give this woman a phone call.  It also broke my heart for what she was teaching and modeling for her own children.  I felt myself tense up and my fists clench a bit.  In my mind was the whisper from God, "use this as a teachable moment, Angie--do not react in anger--turn this into something positive..." 
Deep breath, Momma.  First, I had to reiterate to Max that Mom and Dad love him for who he is with all our hearts (and Griff does too-however annoying he may be ;)).  You are NOT fat, and you are no less of an athlete because your feet are bigger or your bones don't stick out of your body.  You are you--perfect just as God made you.  And anyone else who doesn't honor or respect that or see you that way isn't seeing with the right eyes (what in the world has happened to RESPECT or humanity these days--goodness!!!).
The most important part of who we are is our soul and that is WHO we are--this outside stuff is just outside stuff.  And yes, we do need to take care of our bodies as they are the temples of our souls--but our value is not a number on a scale or how fast our feet run or how great of "an athlete" someone else deems us to be.  This life is not a sport's competition where the winner has sufficiently beaten down everyone else for the sheer sake of beating everyone else--to gloat and brag.  God doesn't really care about any of that.  It's about the light we shine and the difference we can make--the forever difference...  THAT is what we should spend and consume our time being concerned about!  Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be having this discussion with my son! 
I also told him there are far worse things than being "fat"--or what someone else perceives "fat" to be for you, their children, or themselves.  Far, FAR worse things...  Like mean or selfish or thoughtless...  "Yeah, those things are really, really bad."  Max said.  And I again apologized that that ADULT made him feel that way and said those things without ever once thinking how hurtful it would be to my son--because when you are that self absorbed, of course it wouldn't even cross your mind.  And although I have been told several times by this person that "no one can MAKE you feel" a certain way--our words DO indeed have consequences--so we need to be careful and take some responsibility for how we use them.  God doesn't call the tongue a double edged sword without reason. 
I shared with him that this person had also hurt me with things that have been said along those very same lines for years while knowing I was struggling with my own issues (if nothing else to show that grown ups get hurt too and to validate his feelings), but we have to use these experiences to make us better people and to try even harder to shine that light that God gave us.  And as a parent I was reminded how much LOUDER our parenting voices of love and encouragement have to be as our voices need to drown out all the other junk our children hear from outside voices that can so easily drag them down.  I thanked God for this reminder and Max and I continued to talk about some other things that were on his mind. 
Today, I'm trying to let go of the anger and the desire to call this woman and tell her just what I think once and for all (real nice of me, right?)--but I know in years of dealing with this enigma that is never really addressed or even perceived and often commended--it won't do any good--just get me angry, get me called 'jealous' again, and really just waste my time and drain a bit more of my spirit.  And who needs that?  So, I will continue to try with everything in me to be the Mom I need to be for my sons and we will continue our jogs, our family walks, our healthy eating and spend just as much time on our prayers, talks with God and time in the word and showing kindness to others--because the development of our hearts and our souls is just as important as the development of our athletic, or not so athletic, bodies--and only one is eternal. 
I will end with this quote from Pablo Casals that has always been a favorite of mine and initially inspired me to be a teacher and to also always strive to be a better parent...

"Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that will never be again...  And what do we teach our children?  We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France.  When will we also teach them what they are?...  We should say to each of them:  Do you know what you are?  YOU are a MARVEL.  You are unique.  In all the years that have passed, there has NEVER been another child like you.  Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move.  You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven...You have the capacity for ANYTHING.  Yes, you are a marvel.  And when you grow up, can you then harm another who is, like you, a marvel.  You must work--we all must work--to make the world worthy of its children."

And may we ALL look at each other as the marvels that God created us to be!

In love and peace, friends...  and blessings and love to all of our little (getting bigger every day) ones :)!