I did my morning yoga routine bright and early as usual. Sometimes it makes me feel youthful and I am amazed by my body--its strength and flexibility--what we are able to do with the form that God gave us and by using just the weight of our own bodies to create muscle and fluidity of movement to exercise--with only a mat required. Utterly amazed. We are miracles! Today I felt that, but I also felt achy, and a little creaky, and maybe a smidgen older ;). I also hadn't had my proper quota of coffee.
I find myself challenged by this exercise, physically and mentally. It gives me cause to pause, to breathe, and connects me to my body--forces me at times--as it requires me to balance and focus in ways that no other form of exercise does. I have to concentrate. I can't think of anything else. If I do, I just may fall over ;)...
I also have found a new yoga buddy in my oldest son. He loves it! In fact, I have to admit (another mommy of the year moment) last Saturday he was begging me to do yoga again. We had just finished reading together and I was soooooo tired--barely keeping my eyes open tired (reading does that to me--I think it's the sitting still for that long part). I had done my session already that morning and it was getting close to bed time and I just, quite honestly, wanted to be LAZY--there I said it! :) He rolled out our mats on the bedroom floor. He saw how tired I was and asked if he could do it by himself anyway, and I told him, "sure". The worst part? I continued to sit on the bed and watch him -- eating ice cream, straight out of the container... I told you, mother of the year!!! But, it makes me so happy that he loves it as much as I do and it makes him feel so good too. He's also finding he's able to do more push ups in baseball practice--added bonus :).
We all need focus, to find our center, to find balance in this crazy life, to be able to breathe... Yoga helps me do that. I've been doing it since I was 22, and it's always been my fall back exercise when I hurt myself running. Now it seems to be my fallback for just getting older ;). It helps me de-stress and it's also helping me connect with my children on another level. Griffyn's got moves I've never seen (and I keep current with Yoga Journal, so not sure which form he studies ;)) and he keeps me smiling. Especially since he calls it "Yoda".
I also find it helps me connect even more closely with God. While breathing, while focusing, while being still, it connects me to my faith. And I am reminded that just as God was masterful, powerful, genius enough to create these amazing bodies of ours, he is God enough for me, for this family, and has a plan amidst the chaos of our lives--and I go back to my one of my favorite verses so often:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
He knows, I don't have to have it all figured out. I don't have to even like it right now. This, where I am right now, is where I am supposed to be. I am living and breathing part of his plan in this moment. My kids and all of their trials and tribulations? Yep--you guessed it. Part of his plan. He's got this. I don't need to feel like I have it all under control or question, question, question, question... As long as my eyes are on him and I am being faithful, that is enough.
I want my kids to seek their dreams, to believe they can have big ones, to feel secure, to have faith and to know that God is always, I mean ALWAYS going to be there for them--even when mommy and daddy may fail. And we will. We're not perfect. I will not always say or do the right thing, I will be tired, I will not always be patient, but God is always there, and all of this is part of his perfect plan for you, for me, for all of us. I have to know that, THEY have to know that. He knows what's best. And there is something so incredibly freeing, and yet scary (as my ten year old says) in that--I think it's because it forces you to be humble--to concede you don't know it all or have it all together--well honey, I am fully ready to concede to that!
But it also forces you to realize that it may be crappy for awhile and that this mud and manure pile, for lack of a better word, may be a place for you to grow. Fertilizer, for your soul, if you will. You don't have to stoop to the level of yuck around you, be crabby or thoughtless, but God is definitely working in me, teaching me something--and this time, I think it's that I need to just stop and stand still. Really. Sounds silly, but much like a yoga pose of meditation, I believe he is telling me to stop and be still. I don't have to fight this battle or change this place, this little cosmos that is my profession--I will show up and do what I need to do, be the light I need to be for him, but that is all I need to do in this moment he has me in this environment. That is enough. Be the best me he created me to be--and that is enough. It's like he's telling me what I tell my kids "just do your best in my name, and I will always be proud of you" :).
I have enough and more important things going on at home. That is where the bulk of my energy should be going. That is where it is valued, appreciated and just where it really needs to be. The other is just an empty vacuum where it is being used up and sucked away for no purpose. And then, when God opens another opportunity in his perfect time, I will know, and I will follow where he leads. Sigh. He plans to prosper, not harm, give us hope, and a future. Sounds good to me. :) We truly have nothing to fear when he is guiding our lives... nothing...
And out of all the yoga poses we do (Max loves inversions just as much as his mommy! They are so fun! :)) the simplest and most relaxing is the child pose, which we do at the end of a long set to just calm down, relax, and breathe. And this is how I come to God in these quiet moments. As his child, just wanting protection from the insanity of life. When communication does nothing because people lie and are not direct or honest so you get nowhere, when you feel trapped because you need insurance for your children and you have to pay your bills and you have to have a job but it just is really, really not the greatest situation, when your "super mom" cape has been at the cleaners for months on end and you're pretty sure they've lost it, when you're heart just hurts because you can't help someone you love so much like you want to help them and you know how they hurt and you feel how they hurt and you cry and you pray and you pray and you cry some more--I get on my knees and cry out to my Father and am so thankful from the depths of my soul that I can. I am not a lost child. I am HIS child. And he has a plan for me. Even in all this mess. And he has a plan for you. Even in all this mess. And in the really good stuff too. There is a plan. There is hope, there is prosperity, there is a future. And it's a good one.
Love and peaceful moments...
even when the moments aren't peaceful...
Love you, friends.
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