Missing...

I love this--just so perfect for today--just made me smile :).

So today was a day.  Not awful, not particularly pleasant—just a day.  And now I’m missing my boys as they are at Adventureland Inn swimming with their cousins and Marty’s parents as it is THAT weekend of the summer and this momma is worn out from said day—I think five hours at any doc’s office would wear anyone out.  It’s been a week, a summer, a winter and I’m, admittedly, kind of an emotional basket case tonight and I just want my boys—all three of them—need them around me, to snuggle up close and feel their wiggly little bodies, hear their voices all vying for attention, the chatter getting louder till it culminates to the point where it’s audible but not understandable (you moms know what I’m talking about), and to just be.  We haven’t had a night like that in ages.  My mind is tired, my body is tired, my soul is tired. There is just so much going on.  We didn’t even have time for a family vacation this summer—not that our get aways are all that elaborate—a trip to Madison, WI for a week or so is as crazy as we get—but we cherish and recharge and this summer has raced by too quickly and this silly momma has been too sick.

So, I didn’t want to take this night away from my boys and be selfish and ask them to stay home for me—because I needed them.  Part of my “down in the dumps” is that my husband went out last night as well before this big specialist’s appointment and I was feeling a little bit abandoned in the process and night number two may be hitting harder for that reason.  Thankful my sister spent the night with the boys and I after watching my little guys all day.  They so love their Aunt Jen.  Its funny, as a mommy and a sibling, watching how much your son and your sister are alike (G and Jen are two peas in a pod, as the saying goes).  Trying to gear up for a big day of gallivanting around Adventureland park with Marty's family tomorrow when walking around my house and up and down my stairs wears me out—but I want to be there for my kids.   It gets crazy, and I want someone to be there who has their best intentions at heart from the get go—always protective of my boys.  I've had too many strange incidents happen to show me otherwise (one involving my son's asthma).  So, this is all just happening at a very inopportune time—but that’s life.  It's not always convenient. 

One job ending, another beginning and they are meeting in the middle as our Carlisle preschool picnic at the elementary school and meeting the new kids and parents will happen the evening after working a ten hour day of preschool (a Monday, no less—a 4:30 a.m. blessed Monday) with my “old” center.  So many things happening all at once.  Marty started coaching three weeks ago, school starting for the boys, G starting soccer, and all the blessings of being so busily blessed.  Just trying to find my voice in all this busy, and hanging on to those things I treasure—our Bible story time at night, reading with the boys in general, saying our prayers,  building our relationship with God, patiently communicating (I preface it with this, because the quick ‘how was your day’, ‘fine’ banter is NOT communicating) and living a healthy life style in terms of exercise and eating (enter “nutribullet” into our lives—love this little gadget!!! – never have I ever cried during an infomercial)—those things are all important to me and I can NOT give them up. 

Those all take time—LOTS of time.  So, no, I don’t really care if I don’t have a social life at this very moment in my life, or if at the end of an evening I’m too tired to have one.  In this moment, at this time, I am doing the best I can with these insane treasures called children that God has entrusted me with and I don’t have enough energy in this body or enough time as it is to be the mom I want to be to these incredible human beings—so if I’m the biggest dork and most unsocial nerd on the block—so be it.  I need to take time for myself too, to replenish my soul—and if I have two hours to do yoga or read, I’ll chose that over a bar scene any day of the week (and my “me” time is in the wee hours of the morning or evening).  I’m doing the best I can with the body, mind, and soul I’ve been given.  I’d like to think we really all are, right?

So, I’m sitting here in this quiet, missing my boys, knowing they are having fun, but sure needing their hugs and giggles right now—needing G’s “I love you more than chocolate!  I love you more than chicken!”.  Needing Max’s exciting stories of all the new cities he’s building in Mind Craft or the latest books he’s dreaming about writing—and just my husband’s presence would be nice.  Special blessings to my sister for babysitting the boys these last two days straight as Marty and I both worked and I had an arduously long specialist’s appointment today.  What would we do without our Aunt Jen?  Thanks a million.  It will be so hard to say goodbye to you again this summer.  Wish my sisters would move back to the Midwest.  The East Coast has claimed them all.  Damn exciting, open minded, artistic, music, green, global loving filled culture! 

I was given instructions to begin packing for our day tomorrow.  I may finish "Reconciliation" first.  Just need a do nothing weekend before all the madness begins--just one.  Would love, while I'm making wish lists, one more pool day before school starts as well.  That would be heavenly.  Wishing you all happy wishes, deep breaths, and healthy hearts.

As always, with much love...