Ahhh, it's been a week. The weather hasn't helped much~~all grey and dreary, cold and rainy. It seems to be punctuating my mood~relentlessly...
Sick kiddo. Crazy mess at preschool trying to leave work and pick Griff up from daycare. Thanks for being so patient, Colleen! The hubs had a track meet and we already had the stress of finding people at the end of the afternoon to get the boys from daycare and school since I had to work late (I had been denied the hour and a half early I needed off due to short staff). So, the day was already just plain nuts. Then the kink in the chain of an already frazzled day--a kid with a fever. Poor Griff. That wasn't part of the 'plan'...
Feeling the proverbial pull of being a working mommy, and I know I'm not alone in the trenches. For that, I take heart. It doesn't, however, lessen the sting of those stay home mom's who bring their children into preschool daily solely for "socialization" and tell their tearful, clinging children at drop off that they have to get home so they can 'get back to bed'. I guess we've always been fortunate enough to live in a neighborhood with kids, so that socialization happens when you go out your front door to play outside. Or the SAHM (I'll abbreviate stay home moms from now on ;)) who tell me they get so bored with their kids at home, so they have to bring them to daycare or preschool so they can workout, go shopping, or what ever it is mom's do when they have alone time--I tend to pass out and go to sleep, so I've lost touch with extra curricular activities. Okay, I'm judging and my bitter and jealous streak is showing. I'll admit it!
I understand the need for adult contact, that I get--but bored? I have never been bored with my children. I can barely get a word in edge wise between them (smile) or get them to sit still for a second. We're always running around doing something. Maybe my kids have ADHD...
Then there's the SAHM who feels the need to confide in me me that they just can't imagine working outside of the home because they think that being home for their children is much more important than having a job. I do too, really, I'm there with ya--it just doesn't happen to be a choice for the majority of us who work outside the home--we NEED a pay check (I'm married to a fellow teacher ;)). We seriously have to~~ in order to take care of and provide for those precious children of ours. The mortgage and grocery bills have to be paid. Otherwise, I'd swap shoes with you in a second.
Or, maybe not. I truly value my time with my kids and I miss them every day I'm away from them. I thought that would change as they grew older~or the "missing you" feeling would lessen just a bit. That initial first drop off to daycare, school is so fraught with separation anxiety--for us both. But, that hasn't changed much for me. I still worry about them when they're away from me, miss them terribly (I often ask my girlfriends if there is something seriously wrong with me in this case), and can't wait to get home to see them again. I don't get out much, and it is sometimes by choice. I'd rather be home with my family. Our home is our sanctuary, and spending those few "free" hours we have together is such a treasure to me. Sacred time that I know is fleeting. How many more years do my husband and I have where our boys think it's FUN to hang out with mom and dad?
Yes, being a mom has lots of tough and trying moments. The sick days, the obstinate days, toilet training boys (those of you who've been there need no explanation), the boogers in the play dough, the quirks and idiosyncrasies every kid has (and the worst is when they pick them up from you ;)), the no sleep--up all night because of night terrors days where all the coffee in the world isn't enough, your kids dealing with the cruelness of the outside world and building them up after society's "norm" has broken and bullied them down, the wishing and wanting the very best for your kid (and at the same time, letting them discover mistakes on their own--because I know that's the best way I learned --and yet I seem to make the same ones time and time again--so forgiving and understanding when your expectations aren't met), judging your parenting skills when your toddler is throwing the fit of all fits in the middle of the Target isle, picking your battles, hearing your child say a swear word and knowing full well they heard it from you, the bumps, the bruises, the scrapes, the trips to the ER for stitches (why hasn't someone come up with a kid bubble yet?), the guilt for never having 'enough' time, energy, patience, the craft skills, the cooking skills you want to have to be the best mom ever... I could go on and on and on. But in the midst of all of that is the biggest, most unconditional and genuine love I have ever known~~and I don't want to miss a minute of it...
My point? Is there one? I don't think I've had one succinct point since parenthood (smile). I guess the point is that although I do seriously envy (most obvious at this point) those mommies that get to stay home with their precious treasures day in and day out, I'm attempting to find 'the bright side' of my covetous state. I couldn't appreciate the time I have more with my children. While I do understand that SAHM don't sit on the couch and eat bon bons all day (I have two stay home days myself and they are packed to the gills), it must be fabulous to be able to just be there for your kids when they are ill and not having to worry about getting an occurrence at work for taking care of your child, or to just be able to be there in every sense of the word for your child on a daily basis--to cherish those days, and not have to give them up to someone else. Maybe that's why I'm in the profession I am in. If I can't stay home with my boys, I might as well do the next best thing--teach and take care of other people's children--because I know how much I want mine to be loved and cared for when I am away. It kind of balances it all out for me. And for that, I am truly blessed.
There are, however, days like this past Thursday--where I want to just throw my hands up and ask of society, really is it too much to expect from you to let me just be a mom and take care of my children when I need to (instead of having to make a million phone calls to see if anyone can pick up my child from daycare and sit with him a bit till I get home--or in the previous case--six hours out of my ten hour work day--sad)? It's times like those I almost wish we lived in a socialistic society--ha!
I suppose you always want what you don't have and the grass is always greener on the other side, so the point really is to be content and thankful for what you DO have and cherish the moments that all too readily fly by. Like picking boogers out of play dough (that would be Griffyn ;))~or scrapping it altogether and making a fresh, warm pot to kneed together and make worm villages (and all the accommodations) with your child when your kid's fever won't stop spiking. I thank you for each and every moment, Lord, and for having such precious children to drive home to...
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