My husband and I don't share many hobbies or similar interests, other than our boys, so it's rare we watch movies together or have much to talk about other than our children--which has worked out for us so far. The boys keep us pretty darn busy. We may need to work on that eventually (smile). So, it is rare that we watch movies together. His tastes are more shoot 'em up, action, adventure or just plain weird (the first movie we saw together was "Basketball Diaries" and I about ran for the hills---aaaaugh!) and I'm more of a Jane Austen, deeply moving or psychological thriller kind of girl--I like the ones that make you really think or inspire the living crap out of you. So, when he asked me to watch a movie with him when he and my oldest got home from baseball tournaments this weekend, I was quite skeptical--but being sick, I can't do much but lay around, and the boys were playing Lego's together so nicely, and I was going to be in bed anyway, so what the heck...
And then it happened... Silver Linings Playbook... A love story for people like me. People who absolutely HATE novels and movies like "The Notebook" (and all things Nicholas Sparks, really) or phenomenon's like Christian Grey and all 50 Shades of his barf. A movie about straight up life--messy, not always pretty, screwed up, yet lovely and appreciated for the good stuff--even the broken pieces. I cried, cringed, laughed, and cried some more. The only disconcerting scene was the banter over meds at a dinner party and my familiarity of each. I'll just embrace it as part of my own journey (smile).
I found comfort in the characters and in their description of their "crazy" as a "sixth sense" and had to laugh a few times at Bradley Cooper's character, Pat's, lack of filter and inability to lie. I know that my husband often times gets frustrated with me in social situations with this and I often try to avoid them and get flat out uncomfortable as I can't stand the BS and gossip that goes on so many times (and with situations with his family as well). I just can't do it. I am who I am and we all should be able to be who we are and accepted for that divine creation--simple as that. I wear my heart, and everything else, on my sleeve, and don't play games--unfortunately I get blind sided when other people do--because I simply can not wrap my head around it. I can't stand fake, I can't stand "so did you hear?" or "did you know?" or "do you know so and so? oh, probably not, well..." and the older I get, the less and less time and tolerance I have for it. We are people. Flesh, bones, blood and souls--not fodder for games, gossip, and lies that rip people apart--and I'm just so sick of grown ups acting like--well, no--children behave better... And I can not function in these social scenarios--I really stink at it--miserably fail--I require authentic, genuine people coming from places of good and acceptance or I can't deal--I shut down. I have to walk away. There is no reality in that for me. Bring it straight.
I've never been one of the cool kids, the in crowd, someone that's had it "all together", never claimed to and never will. Who does? And God bless you if you do. Please share that. I struggle daily and probably will for the rest of my life--with the smallest and most insignificant of things. But I'm willing and blessed to struggle and try to be the best me God created me to be. This movie is so delightful in that is showed others doing the same. Struggling day to day, doing it and taking the positive from it. There's no shame in it. Go ahead and talk. Tiffany's character is rough but I grew to love her. Especially after she said this. "There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself?" Beautiful. So beautiful.
And I've always clung to the fact that these things happen to us for a reason--these sad things, these bad things, these dark things, these hard things--and God gives them to us because he knows we can, because HE can use them in us for his glory and his purpose--even if that purpose is just reaching out to others, loving others more, being more accepting, more thoughtful, more understanding to others that have been there... To say, give me your hand, I know, honey, I know... Even if it's just to hug someone when they feel like screaming, to be there for someone when they feel like life has no meaning and there could not possibly be any purpose to their life, even if it could just be to demand the truth from a family, from a world that so blatantly denies it even exists, to stand up for someone, for something when no one else will--because God has tested your faith muscles time and time again... Even if it's a battle you fight with yourself every day to keep going, to silence those voices that tell you "no", to encourage those that think they are too small to be heard--even if it's just that... then, that is enough...
And maybe us crazies really are the only ones that are sane. Just maybe we are the ones that see things and feel things the most clearly, and the world just isn't ready for that much truth yet (smile)--just a hypothesis as it seems like everyone is always trying to shut us up or medicate us (wink). I know I feel my feelings strongly. I know I get depressed and think about things too much (it seems to me that not enough people are--about others anyway--we seem to have thoughts about ourselves covered--smile). I know I may be socially awkward, and it was just fun to sit back and watch a movie, not just a movie, but a love story with characters full of the same. It made me feel less, well, less alien.
Life will never be easy for some of us, even when it is--because our dragons and demons are scars on our souls. But our walk hasn't been easy either and although we're "over it" and although we have forgiven, even though we have not been asked to be forgiven, we are allowed to feel our pain--and thank God for the chance to feel anything at all.
The movie ends like this, and I will leave you with this on this Sunday evening...
"The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday, that's guaranteed, and I can't begin to explain that, or the craziness inside myself and everybody else but guess what? Sunday is my favorite day again. I think of everything everyone did for me and I feel like a very lucky guy."
and I feel like a very lucky girl...
God bless, and please, let's just take care of each other...
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