A heart full of thanks...

"Let us come before Him with thanksgiving..."  Psalm 95:2

Every night before bed, the boys and I say our prayers.  If Daddy's home he joins us too.  I think it is very important to pray as a family, to put our fears, hopes, dreams, requests, and thankfulness together before the Lord.  
Lately, Griffyn has been VERY insistent that he wants a baby.  He's been adamant that he is no longer the baby, and he thinks we really just need another one.  So, he prays nightly for "a new baby, not a tid, a baby".  And not JUST a baby~~more specifically "a sister".  =)  I have to smile and take great delight in this as it does not come from me in the least (I am officially "over" my 2 year baby urge~~cured! ;)).  I can barely handle the two I have and can't imagine being even MORE sleep deprived!  So sorry, G, no go...
I think, in large part, Griff's obsession  has to do with his friend Jakson at daycare.  Jakson has a baby sister and all we hear about at our house is "baby Yivia".  Griffyn is apparently smitten.  He did ask Jakson if he could have "Yivia", and apparently Jakson isn't ready to give her up just yet ;).  I don't think mommy Allison is either =).
Griffyn recently saw a mommy carrying a baby at Max's football practice and told me he wanted THAT baby.  "Just doe det her, mommy"!  So, I went into a light explanation about how we can't just walk up to random people and take their babies ('that's called kidnapping, Griffyn, and that would make that Mommy really sad and get your Mommy in big trouble').  To this explanation he replied, "Tan't we dust share?". 
His next frame of thinking was that "You should dust doe buy one at da store, Momma.  I think you should doe to Target." (ahhhhh, I have my boys trained so well~~all happy things are found at that magical place called 'Target' ;)).  So this involved further explanation that I didn't want to go TOO deeply into about how babies are a miracle made in the Mommy's tummy and when it's time God takes them out. 
So Griff wanted to know how they stay in the Mommy's tummy and don't get lost somewhere else in her body (I can honestly say I have never been asked this question by a three year old).  Thus came a brief explanation about the umbilical cord that connects the baby to the inside of the Mommy and how it gets cut off by the Daddy or the Doctor when the baby is born and that's why Griff has a belly button.  After pulling up his shirt and briefly checking his out, he said, "Otay" and ran off to play on the climber.  Whew!  Done with questions for awhile.  His curiosity was satisfied.
So that brings me back to our nightly prayers.  I encourage the boys to thank God for at least three blessings from their day.  Max usually takes the easy way out ;), and always thanks God for Mommy, Daddy, and Griffyn (efficient, right?).  Griffyn usually goes into more detail talking about ALL the things he's done and had fun doing (while I'm quite sure he has a very grateful heart, I'm also a little suspicious that he does this to delay bedtime just that much more ;)).  We say prayers for friends who are hurting and going through tough times, and we thank Jesus for dying on the cross for us so that we can always be together forever as a family in heaven. 
Things were going pretty run of the mill last night.  The boys were thanking God for our pending trip to the apple orchard and pumpkin patch and for the nice weather then Griffyn blurts out "Desus, I thank you for my BELLY BUTTON!"  Max burst out laughing.  "Your belly button?"  I ask.  "Griffyn, love, why did you thank Jesus for your belly button?".  With an exasperated sigh as in 'duh Mom, you really should know these things', he says, "Tause it makes you MY Mommy."  My heart melted just a little.  "Why yes it does, G" I said tucking him in.  Then I heard Max mutter under his breath, "Jesus, I thank you for my belly button too."  =)
God, I thank you for my boys....  and for their belly buttons that make them mine.  There is not greater blessing on this earth. 

A vacation from life for awhile...

"We can't all, and some of us don't.  That's all there is to it."  Eeyore

     It's been one of those days...  One of those days for a few weeks now.  Wouldn't it be nice if we could just take a complete vacation from our lives for just a little while?  Not talking weeks or anything, even a few hours would be okay (smile).
     Being a mommy is a lot of work.  Work I love, but a lot of work.  And when you take the time to cultivate patience and understanding~~it teaches so much and really has made me a better person~~a much more vocal and outspoken person, but better ;).  Being a wife is a lot of work too (especially a wife to a man who teaches, coaches, and loves/worships Iowa football), but work I also love.  Teaching and taking care of children is my profession and quite honestly, the most and hardest work I've ever done (sometimes I miss those cubicle days at Meredith Publishing for Family Money magazine--okay more than sometimes ;))~but work I am dedicated to and used to feel quite fulfilling.  As of late, I'm thinking my fellow staff and I should write our own version of "The Help"...
     Through it all we keep pushing ourselves, trying to be a good friend, giving as much as we can of ourselves to show God's love, to share some encouragement in a world that seems to be full of such "yuckiness" (as my 3 year old says), nurturing our relationship with God, with girlfriends, all takes time too.  And I often feel like I'm failing in this respect--grabbing the Bible late before bed when I can barely keep my eyes open (honestly, sometimes the only 'Bible' I get is the children's Bible stories I tell my children each night before bed), throwing notes and favors to friends when I can squeeze them in, having every intention of getting notes and cards sent (and they're still sitting on my counter), meaning to bake that special dessert for a neighbor who's going through a tough time--sometimes getting it done, sometimes not...  Being the person I truly WANT to be takes lots of time...
     Taking a break from running after a playground injury today after taking a bit of a break from it last week as well due to time constraints and cold, cold mornings at 4:30 a.m. (and the treadmill and I haven't become best of friends yet...).  Trying to stay healthy and making some time for the things I love and keep me sane usually take a back seat.  My children (and husband) keep reminding me that I drink entirely too much caffeine and eat way too much sugar.  They are my crutches.  I'll admit that.
     Taking time to PAUSE...  Taking time to find JOY...  Taking time to find PEACE...  I pray and talk a lot to God (so if you see my mumbling to myself in the car, that's what I'm doing ;)), and am doing the best I can day by day.  Right now it is WAY past Max's bedtime and we are still doing homework together (he's writing a story with a list of vocabulary words he has to use in his story after finishing his Math worksheets, timed tests, spelling, and reading for the night--this all after football practice till 7 p.m., a quick supper and bath and a full day of school...  We do what we can.  He has lots of responsibility and probably wishes he could have a vacation too.  Griff just wants to run around and scream HIKE and play football some more (after begging me to make him cookies as our friend, Sara, just gave me a horse shaped cookie cutter today--getting home from work a little before seven tonight, I had no energy to start sugar cookies ;)).  Tomorrow, baby...  We'll make lots and lots of Floyds and Spirits tomorrow...
     So, here's to a vacation in our mind.  Here's to finding peace, joy, and transcendence above our stress from God and from within.  Here's to all the blessings, big and small, we have to hold onto (and those we have had to let go and miss, yet have had the blessing of holding for a little while).  Here's to the friends we love and wish we could see and do more for (and for them loving us just the same).  And to doing what we can, when we can and not beating ourselves up anymore...  Life does enough of that for us...  Love you all...
 

A baby named John...

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 

1 Peter 5:7

     Been down in the dumps, as of late.  Just got over a bad round of the flu (so cleaning up barf last week in our preschool room may not have helped) and missed all of our family's special fourth of July activities.  Sad.  Got sick at the street dance (after feeling tired and yucky all day and just pushed through then it hit--three rounds of Excedrin later), missed our town's parade (and watching Max ride in their baseball float and throw candy at all of his friends--bonus: their team White Sox float won--exciting for an eight year old boy), all the park's fun festivities, and the fireworks.  Very bummed.  So much for that annual scrap book page.  And it's back to work tomorrow.  At least I didn't have to use a sick day, right? 

     So, I decided to catch up on emails and check out my girlfriend's blogs, and reread Gina's blog about her unborn son, John's, heart.  Again, tears.  Again, blown away by her amazingly steadfast faith.  Again, reminded of how truly blessed I am.  If any of you get a chance to read it, please do (see my blog side bar at right--"John's Heart") and please, please, please pray for John, Gina, and their entire family.  Max has been fervently praying each night for this little baby that has yet to be born and he daily reminds me to do the same.  Gina and Kyle, you are always in our thoughts and prayers.  Your faith is beyond inspiring.  Your courage unfathomable.

     And so I go to the word for a little extra push (my other daily vitamin), and open to 1 Peter and the above verse hits me like a sledge hammer.  "Cast all your anxiety on him...".  ALL of it, not just some of it--ALL of it.  It's not healthy to carry it around all by ourselves, nor does he want us to.  Then comes the second part--the 'because'...  "Because he cares for you."  He CARES for us.  He cares for me.  How awesome is that?  God truly cares for us, not because he needs anything from us and not just like a passing thought in the wind--but enough to want us to unload--completely unload--on him. 

     And this is so much easier said than done for some of us.  Really?  Give it all up?  Because who will take care of it if I really let go?  Whom can I really TRUST with all this stuff but me?  No one better than God, right?  Yet it's tough.  But that's what FAITH is all about.  Trusting in what we can not see, in a future that we can't control, but is in the loving, and caring, hands of our God.

     And again I am brought back to John's story and the strength of a woman named Gina.  And I have renewed courage and strength as I think of her and her son's future battles and how our heavenly Father has a plan for John, for Gina and Kyle, and for the two beautiful  children they have.  I think of the anxiety Gina must face as a mommy--for her unborn son and for her entire family--and am blown away by her dedication to the Lord in this extremely difficult time.  And my 'issues' seem minute.   God bless the Ten Pas family...

All in a day...

This spring has been full of activities and more activities!  For a person who doesn't always relish being social, I have no choice but to jump in feet first (smile).  Being the momma of these two boys makes caffeine a daily necessity (as well as under eye cream-HA!)!!! 
A very busy day.  A decent run--very muddy due to all of the flooding our poor little town has experienced (nothing like seeing a family of ducks swimming across what was once a road--and saying a prayer for all the farmers out there who's farm land is now lakes and rivers), loads and loads of laundry, dusting the whole house, baking cookies, cleaning all the bathrooms, organizing toys, paying bills, and cooking dinner--one tired momma. 
Managed to play with the boys outside for a bit and now I'm ready to pass out.  My sister, who resides in Brooklyn, is coming home tomorrow.  Hence all the cleaning.  It will last for a day (smile), but at least our "first impression" will be a good one.  We also have a birthday party and possibly a game--all depending on whether we receive more rain.  Our weekends seem to be just as jam packed as our weeks.  Gone are the days of just doing nothing.  I miss those sometimes.  I think the boys do too. 
Griff managed to squeeze in some play dough time today too.  He's one of those kids who seems to need something "new" every five minutes.  A little frustrating when your "to do" list is a mile long.  Now we're waiting for cookies to cool and I'm waiting for the boys to go down so I can take a bubble bath (and "sort" through more toys).  Marty was busy working on the boys' play set for our back yard today.  We seem to be missing a few pieces of lumber.  Why does this always seem to happen to us?  It's quite the project, and we can't wait for him to get it done!!!  Swings, slide, ladders, and sandbox here we come!  (and I can just sit on the deck and watch!!!  big smile!).
Happy summer, and we look forward to more weddings and gatherings and baseball--and possibly a few naps?  Who has time for sleep, right?  Keeping busy keeps us all out of trouble, I guess, and I NEVER hear the words "I'm bored" around the house anymore.  A key sign of spring and summer's return...

Molly's wedding

a zoo trip (Griff was terrified of the dinosaur exhibit!)

Max's tournament team~Coach Osterhouse

taking a break between ball games to cool off and play 'Angry Birds' on the Ipad2 with Daddy

the boys had fun baby sitting Stella for Stacey (although they nicknamed her "Hissy")

Griff's 3 year photos from Sears

http://www.SearsPhotos.com/ViewSharedAlbum.aspx?ShareID=a4430867-ab8c-415b-b380-cb26399809db  (you can check them out here)

So, we waited for an hour and got lucky enough to get a photographer on her first day!  Yikes!  I had zero patience at the end of the shoot and wanted to step in and just do it myself.  It was ridiculous.  She had no experience and should have had someone there to help (but that other person was busy taking senior pictures for a girl that didn't even have an appointment set up). 
G is an easy smiler and we got a few good ones.  Just know NOT to make appointments on the weekends ever again!  Happy 3, G!!!  We love ya!

In full swing...

Baseball began in March, the draft anyway.  A few practices and many games later, we are now into the heart of tournament season as well.  We seem to be eating, living, and breathing baseball.  Max went from not having the greatest of confidences to being on the top of the world--hitting every time and enjoying the game.  Since getting hit with a few balls and facing some tough teams this tournament weekend, he feels like a 'loser'--and no amount of "just do your best" seems to be helping him out of his slump and feelings of worthlessness.

 

We live in such an age of "be the best or don't bother" and I find it very challenging to teach my boys that their best really is good enough.  Just try.  Just always try to be the very best Max you can be.  That's all I expect, that's all God expects...  But, it's tough.  There's always someone who wants more (whether it's internal or external).

 

Max has always been hard on himself.  He wants to be perfect.  He wants to make everyone happy (and perfection somehow seems to be the answer to this demand he places on himself).  I, in turn, want him to be happy.  If only he could be like his three year old brother and just be happy blowing bubbles, getting a piece of candy now and then, riding his bike, playing in the dirt, and finding the occasional caterpillar who is brave enough to be cuddled by an energetic three year old boy (smile). 

But, Max has always been a people pleaser--he worries and has horrible anxiety issues if he feels like he's letting anyone down.  Seriously, kiddo, just go out there and have fun.  Daddy always tells him to just keep swinging.  Don't be afraid.  If you fail, at least you've tried.  Logic wasted on our eight year old (sad).  Apparently he's inherited the pp (people pleaser) gene from me.  It's become far less dominant in my 30's...

All we can do is tell him how proud we are of him and how much we love him.  I would have been terrified to even attempt a sport at his age--we started so much later way back then.  I don't want his confidence to be based on his performance.  I want it to be based on the genuinely amazing and unique kid he is.  Everyone strikes out from time to time.  Ya gotta just keep at it--swinging away at all those obstacles that come your way (I would have been happy to hit a foul ball at his age). 

Prayers for Max as he takes this all so hard and obsesses about it.  No sport is worth bringing him this far down, but with the bad comes the good and happy times as well--just wish he could be more light hearted about it and have those happy times more often.  If this is how hard he takes things at eight, I can't imagine how much fun the future of his athletic endeavors will be!  I hope to get a handle on it by then.  Because it SHOULD be fun.  I keep telling him to try to have a better attitude and that life is what you make it--but to Max, it's not worth it or good enough unless you 'make it' perfectly.

 

Hoping the month ahead is better as we have three more weekends of tournaments ahead--lots of games, long days--and hopefully lots of fun.  Griff can't wait to get out there!  He cheers his brother on from the stands (when he's not finding every mud and water whole he can possibly find).

 

I was never an athlete, so I am impressed with everything my baby does--but Mom's pride isn't enough anymore.  Sad.  They grow up way too fast...  About as fast as they swing...

The Rapture...

Six o'clock came and went.  I didn't hold my breath.  Jesus tells us in the Bible that we will not know the day or the hour of His return.  His words are good enough for me...

I did, however, in an 'exhausted, trying to catch my breath, feeling like I just couldn't make it one more step' kind of way during my run this afternoon wish for it (smile).  In the end, I just prayed that Jesus would get me home.  I needed water and a shady place to sit---fast.  Perhaps I pushed myself too far for too long.  As I always say, running is the perfect metaphor for life. 

In this case, getting back into the swing of running is no different.  My mind has been raring and ready to go.  It has missed those natural endorphins.  My body is not always so compliant, however.  After taking eight or so months "off", it's a bit of a jolt--but like they say, it's kind of like riding a bike (but a bit harder on the joints)--your body doesn't forget, and it's catching on.  Slowly...

I have missed running immensely and am finally beginning to feel like myself again.  It is so much a part of my "me-ness" and I've been without it for so long.  As a girlfriend of mine told me the week after I took up jogging and got the 'all clear' from the surgeon "you're just so much happier now".  True.  

Running makes me feel free, capable, connected, able to take on the world.  If I can make it through the most torturous of weather conditions, hills, allergies, asthma, I can do anything.  It's just me in competition with myself--and I am able to tackle all the stresses on my plate--one step at a time.  It is such a spiritual exercise for me too.  Being immersed in nature, the sun, sky, clouds, grass, flowers, trees, animals (and all other "natural" things :)) makes me feel closer to God.  I pray while I run--long prayers--before I turn on the tunes.  It's relatively the only truly quiet time I have to talk to Him.  This experience can not be replaced on a treadmill, however, which is one of the many reasons why I am not a big fan of winter...

So while on my run, the DJ was constantly commenting on the supposed 'rapture' that was said to happen today.  He just couldn't seem to get enough of the topic~so much so that I turned my Sansa back to my music recordings (although this seems to eat up batteries mercilessly).  I thanked God for each wild flower and butterfly that passed--the blue sky and sunshine (that became my biggest enemy on the way home), the creek, the gorgeous sweeping trees, the serene farm land--such peaceful scenery.  God created all this.  I don't know how, He just did.  And I certainly do not know when He's returning--so I will continue to live my life a day at a time and be the best person He created me to be.  That's all He expects of me. 

As an imperfect creature, I feel that there are things I will miss greatly about Earth--but I know that what He has in store for us is far more glorious than our present condition and even better than our very best of dreams.  Our job here on Earth isn't to figure out when His return will be, but to be ready when He comes.
  
So we just have to keep running--putting one foot in front of the other--one breath at a time~each day knowing we are closer to knowing God.  God bless, and take care, friends!