Happy Thanksgiving

"The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts.  No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving."  ~H.U. Westermayer

Sitting here with an absolutely miserable cold and extrememly thankful for a two year old who is willing to entertain himself today~and didn't mind a boring old peanut butter sandwhich for lunch.  Can't breathe to sleep, but have no energy to expend (sitting up seems to be it for me today~and even that hurts). 
The cold has made me slow down, and I've been thinking about all my blessings while going through tissues and OTC meds:  friends, family, home, food, clothing, and so much more.  Thinking about that first Thanksgiving and all the hardships that came before it.  Amazing how the Pilgrims kept such faith in the midst of all of their adversity and dispairing loss.  Quite an inspiring story (and makes this nasty cold seem more like a measely little annoyance than the debilitation it's been to me today).
Wishing you all a very happy Thanksgiving and so thankful for the blessings that you all are to me!  God bless!

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

These are a few of my favorite things...

The boys are snuggled up on the couch with Daddy watching "Polar Express".  Griffyn is convinced the boy in the movie is Max.  We may be a little early, but the boys love trains and we all love Christmas.  Both of the boys have had their baths and are in clean jammies and will hopefully get sleepy on Daddy and be carried off to bed soon...

Griffyn and I spent the day doing the unpleasant task of cleaning the house (which warranted a much needed bubble bath and glass of wine tonight~thank you, Marty).  The dusting is done, the laundry complete, the dishes put away, the birthday gifts wrapped (still need to have the boys make a few cards) and all set for our parties this weekend, and I began looking at the renewal process for our family's insurance policy (it's that time of year).  Griffyn and I managed to have some fun time too.  We made pumpkin bars for G'ma and G'pa Mitchell's visit tomorrow and for Griffyn and Max's special time with aunt Jen while Mommy and Daddy go to an engagement party.  This got me to thinking of all of my 'favorite things'.  Life's special little moments that make it so savory.

(the beginnings of pumpkin bars)

Baking is definitely one of my favorite things (especially this time of year), and my boys have always loved to help.  I'm not necessarily very good at it, but there is something so immensely satisfying about adding a variety of ingredients together and creating a delicious outcome--the comforting smells and tastes that evolve.  The entire process is a nurturing and delicious one.  It makes me feel like I am taking care of my family and friends.  It does not, however, help my waste line as I have a ridiculous sweet tooth and tend to bake when I am stressed~which seems to be often ;). 

Then there are the previously mentioned bubble baths.  Although they may not be as long as I would like (or happen quite as often as I may want), I savor them all the same.  They most likely begin and end with my two year old banging on the door and wanting "Mommy", but I will take what ever I can get in the form of "me" time.  I love the relaxing scent of lavender--few things calm me like the smell of lavender.  My favorite product is Philosophy's "Silent Night" (which is only sold during the holidays).  It's like taking a nap in a lavender field with the warm sun shining on your face.  Pure bliss!

(heavenly lavender bubbles!)

Clean sheets and snuggling in with the boys on a chilly evening (even if it means having to sit through an episode of "Wonder Pets" or the "Backyardigans").  Sleep doesn't come often as there's much to do and I have a husband who aggressively snores and children who get up frequently (and I'm one of those people who once woken has a very hard time getting back to sleep) so it is treasured.  Comfy pj's and lots of cozy blankets with soft, fluffy pillows.  If I could take a day just to myself--to do absolutely nothing--I would stay in bed and rest all day.  What a lovely dream :).

(my cuddle bugs!)

Time to join my boys on the couch and get the box of tissue.  I never get tired of this movie.  It too is one of my favorite things!  Please tell me some of yours!

November is here!

(my little Mario brothers)

November is here!  I've been waiting with much anticipation for this month to arrive for a very long time (what feels like FOREVER)!  My sister, Erin, and her boyfriend, Harold, are flying home from Brooklyn for Thanksgiving!  We haven't ALL been together for so long, and I can NOT wait!!!  I don't care about turkey, stuffing, or mashed potatoes~~I just want to soak up some sibling time and let the boys soak in as much Auntie and Uncle time as possible as well.  I just may lock everyone in and not let anyone leave once we're all finally together in one room ;)!

Halloween was a smashing success!  Such beautiful weather.  Aside from Griffyn wanting his Mommy (and only Mommy) to carry him most of the way, it was delightful.  All of our neighbors were out and it was a lovely chance to say "hello" to everyone (and rake in lots of candy--which I must admit I am noshing on with my green tea ;)).  The boys were the cutest Mario and Luigi, of course, and we only saw one other Mario all night~and originality is always key with me :).

Our yard is finally done!!!  Hallelujah!!!  The window wells have solid and very tight retaining walls built around them, the yard is regraded and built up all around the house, the hose thingy (please don't be intimidated by my technical jargon ;)) is buried in the yard in pipe form and coming out at the bottom so none of the water settles in our yard, and the slope of the side yard curved to insure the rain fall does indeed roll down and not make a swimming pool out of our back yard!  Between our brand spanking newly regraded and sodded yard, retaining walls, sump pump and back up, we should be set for what ever mother nature has in store for us next year.  Merry Christmas (and every other upcoming holiday for the next year of so :)) to Marty and I!  It sure feels good to have it all taken care of~despite the bill :).  Some people vacation to Disney World for the holidays with their children.  We get a flood proof backyard and windows :).

I ordered our tickets for the "Santa Express" train ride in Boone for the beginning of December.  Yay!  Such magical fun.  The boys actually still believe we are riding the hour and 15 minutes to the North Pole.  The grand illusion is made even more complete by all the lights and North Pole like decorations we see out of our windows!  Going over the amazingly high bridge still makes our tummy's feel funny, but the hot coco and cookies help calm it down a bit.  Santa gets on the train and greats all the children (and children at heart) once we finally reach the North Pole-and gives each child a silver bell from his sleigh (just like in the classic children's book "The Polar Express").  Such a fantastic night for all of us and well worth the ticket price!  What price can you put on being a kid all over again anyway? :)

Hope you and your families are all doing well!  I know the cold season is upon us (and Griffyn is on his nebulizer treatments again and battling the crud after catching it from his Momma).  Time for lots of vitamin C and hot tea!  Making sure the kids get their vitamins every morning, are drinking lots of juice, and looking into getting some gummy C's for them as an added measure of precaution.  Take care, God bless, and happy November :)!!!

My latest adventure~Compression Stockings!

I went in for my compression fitting at "Fittings Unlimited" this past Saturday as directed by my surgeon.  What a morning!  Who knew the process would take an entire hour and send my blood pressure soaring to new heights?  The 'boutique' owner was very chatty and how shall I say~in your face?  She was VERY informative and thorough, which in most cases in a good thing, but I just wanted to get in and out of there.   I didn't need to know how many dogs, cats, etc. she had, her favorite color, or look at photos of people who had just had surgery and were swollen from one end to the other.  Really, didn't need all that...
I filled out lots of paperwork and she took a copy of my insurance card (which, in the end, really seemed like a giant waste of time as well as all of the paperwork I had to fill out).  She collected all of my info./paper work and put it into a file folder (which she coordinated with the shirt I was wearing, she informed me), took my prescription from Dr. Fry, and took me back into one of the little fitting rooms to be measured. 
I'm not much for complete strangers touching me--let alone seeing me half naked, so the whole ordeal was a bit stressful for me.  I learned all kinds of new and interesting things, however.  Did you know that apparently EVERYONE's legs are different sizes?  One of my legs is bigger than the other--ankle on up.  Didn't realize this was the norm.  Took my weight and height and then went to get my custom fit garment.  "NO RETURNS ON ITEMS" signs were emblazoned on all the walls.  Hmmmmmmmm.  Couldn't miss them.  They were everywhere.  No warm fuzzies there...
She then began to show me how to put my sassy new compression thigh highs on.  It was quite the ordeal, let me tell ya.  I was actually sweating by the end of it.  Gonna have to wake up an extra 15 minutes every morning just to get these suckers on--I'm being completely serious.  She told me NOT to wear them to bed.  They can become a tourniquet on your legs.  They have tights you can wear to bed, of course. 
That was all of 45 minutes--I spared you some of the most boring details involving dish washing gloves, laundry detergent lists, lotion precautions, washing and drying instructions, etc. etc. etc...
Going to the counter, I was thinking this would all be over soon and cost me around 50 to 60$.  My mom's insurance completely covered hers, but I wasn't banking on that.  I had a prescription from my specialist, so like any other prescription, insurance would cover SOME of it, right?  Nope.  Not only that, the darn things cost $130.00 A PAIR.  Are you kidding me?  I started to get angry.  My insurance was mandating that I wear these suckers for 3 months.  If I don't, they won't cover any part of the surgery I need.  They're making me buy them, but not paying for a single cent.  Let me reiterate once more how much I hate insurance companies.  I thought Obama was supposed to do something about that...
Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday, and any other holiday to me, I guess.  The good news is they are awesome and I feel like I have completely new legs when I have them on.  Monday was the first time I have been leg pain free for months and months.  I'm just hoping one pair will last three months.  I sure as heck can't afford 2 pairs (although my personal consultant told me that my doctor wrote the script for two pairs so my insurance would approve 2~~why did I have to see a specialist to get a prescription for medical grade compression stockings and have a flipping script to begin with again?  This insurance game is one I clearly do not understand).
So, stocking--heaven.  Price tag--not so much.  But, I'm thankful to have them and that Marty was willing to pay for them.  When Max saw the price tag on the box he said, "But Mom, they're just SOCKS!".  Bright child.  It's not like they're a new Wii game or anything, for goodness sakes (smile).
I may attempt to file a claim with our wonderful insurance company (ironically it's Principle, which isn't doing insurance for much longer) regardless.  It can't hurt.  It's just my time, energy, and patience.  I would again like to thank my husband for his support, financially and emotionally (again, smile) through this whole ordeal.  It's been very frustrating for me. 
At least I know what to ask Santa for Christmas this year--just one more pair of JOBST thigh high compression stockings, 20-30mmHG with the silicone dot band (heaven in a box~~a very, very expensive box)...

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Prognosis... wait...

Art by my talented sister, Erin Haines    ...

Friday came and went and after 2 and 1/2 hours at Lake View, we have answers (and now we just have to play the waiting game). The nurses, ultra sound tech, and surgeon were amazing.  I went into the consult with much trepidation and walked out feeling relieved and hopeful. 
Not knowing what to expect from the entire process was the worst part.  I didn't know that a lengthy ultrasound was involved on both legs--or that I would have to undress for it--so much for wearing shorts to bypass this necessity.  I had flashbacks of delivery as I had to take deep breaths, hold them in and "bear down" (I never fully understood what I was supposed to do for this process), and then let the breath out.  I did this so many times I got dizzy.  They were checking for my vein's ability to "reflux"--stop and start blood flow again.  I understand that the tech had to push down forcefully to take clear photos frequently, but I walked out of that room so sore--in the cutest pair of navy paper shorts you've ever seen (ha, ha!).  Be jealous.  Be very jealous! 
Our nurse, Larry, was amazing.  He took photos of my veins with my name and a series of numbers underneath--mugshots, if you will.  He asked several questions and wrote everything down, making sure my insurance understood this was affecting my daily activity, work, and sleep (or lack there of).  He talked about getting everything sent to insurance and setting up a surgery date for sometime in November.  We talked about how much it would cost and recovery time.  He answered all of our questions, we shook hands and waited for the surgeon to come in.  We felt like everything had been taken care of.   
We sat there thinking 'this will all be over in a month'.  It was hitting us at a bad time financially as we are having our yard regraded and a retaining wall built around our egress windows this coming week (due to all the flooding problems we had).  And Christmas would be just around the corner as well.  Small inconveniences. 
The surgeon walked in.  Very friendly, Dr. Fry had a little different take on the situation.  It was a bit of an emotional roller coaster ride for Marty and I.  Dr. Fry informed us that most insurance companies will not pay their 80% if some form of 'treatment' is not attempted first.  He also told us that these 'treatments' always fail.  Although I appreciated his honestly, I was disappointed.  He wrote a script for some very sexy (heh, heh) thigh high compression stockings that I would have to be fitted for and wear for three months.  He said I would feel some relief while wearing them, but that would all go away as soon as I took them off.  Happiness.  Some relief is far better than none, however.  The good news was that my situation was bad enough that I only had to to the compression therapy for 3 months while most people have to do it for 6 entire months.  I'm lucky (wink).  Sad that insurance companies MAKE people go through months of pain, fully knowing it won't work, in order for the patient to have their insurance help pay for the procedure (which is why we pay for insurance in the first place, right?).  When I had the stupidity to ask why insurance companies force people do this, Dr. Fry simply said the insurance companies are hoping people will just give up.  This is one woman who is not. 
We go back in to see Dr. Fry on January 7th and will do another ultrasound (standing up this time) to record the reflux (again) in my veins.  We will document that I have worn the compression stockings for three months.  We will take more photos.  We will send all the combined information off to the insurance company and set up a date (that day) for my surgery~no more than 30 days from the 7th.  An end is in sight (smile)!
Some other good new, the vein in my left leg that is most bothersome is actually completely dead and will have to be stripped out.  The little 'bone' fragment I was feeling above my knee (that gets all red and swollen) is a clot, but since the vein is dead, it is not life threatening.  I can continue to run.  It will hurt me, but I won't be hurting anything physically.  Knowing this, I can mind over matter the pain.  Before I kept thinking I was actually hurting something in my leg.  Apparently I have to wear the compression stockings to run or invest in a pair of compression tights (equally alluring, I'm sure).

Cooler weather is approaching, and all of you who know me know I don't wear shorts all that often, so my fancy new 'socks' won't be a bother at all.  Can't wait to see what the 'fitting' entails (as they were closed at 5 and our apt. didn't get over till 5:30 p.m.) and how much they are going to cost.  If only money wasn't a consideration--I could just get it all over with now.
But it will come, and this time of year goes by so very quickly.  Considering I felt like I was going to pass out when he was making the imaginary incisions in my leg and showing me where they would cut and making the stripping motion--it'll give me time to mentally prepare (smile).  He only does surgeries on Fridays too, so I'll have the weekend to recover and won't have the dauntingly impossible task of getting time off from work to have it done.  There will be lots of swelling, and I won't be able to run for 3 to 4 weeks (hey, it'll be mid winter and the treadmill and I get very tired of each other by then), but recovery time is pretty quick.  I may just need a little more help with the boys than usual.
To any of you who took the time to read this painfully boring and meandering blog, God bless you.  Have a wonderful day, and here's to growing older every day (smile) and to keeping up with our kids.  Who knew my mid 30's would be so adventurous?

Today's the day...

October 1st.  Here we go.  Been waiting for, anticipating this day for weeks and weeks.  It's finally here.  My consultation with Dr. Fry for surgery.  Why am I so nervous?  Couldn't sleep last night.  So silly.  It is nothing.  I've been telling myself~and everyone else~ for so long that it's nothing, and now I'm freaking out.  I think the stress of the past few weeks of constant illness at our house and the increasingly crappy environment at work has just taken my mind off of it, and now that I'm actually THINKING about it, I'm getting that fluttery in the chest, rapid heart beat breathing that I get at the onset of anything remotely unsettling.  I even annoy myself.  Panic attacks are not becoming...
My biggest fear it that he'll tell me to just suck it up.  Deal with it.  Keep taking your pain meds .  Find a new job that doesn't require you to stand on your feet all day long or lift heavy objects.  Get used to that daily burning sensation and the individual 'heart beat' each vein has in your leg.  You don't need sleep~~the horrid cramping in your legs you have every night when you lay down is just something you'll eventually learn do live with.  You just won't be able to run, I guess, if it hurts that bad.  Find something else to do for exercise.  The swelling?  Just put your feet up through out the day till it goes down.  You'll be fine.  Yeah, that would really stink.  I'd rather have them tell me they have to cut most of my leg out than that~~maybe.  I realize I'm not thinking rationally right now.  I just want it all to be over~~all to be over with results, I guess.  Positive, pain free, back to the functioning me, results!
Listening to Griff sing his ABC's and dump out all the fake food in his kitchen as he 'cooks' me breakfast.  Such a great little guy.  Both of my kids are amazing.  Even if they did cause these terrible varicose veins (wink, wink).  Just reminding myself how much I have to be thankful for.  Taking deep breaths.  Enjoying my blueberry tea.  Contemplating making the bed and starting laundry.  Need to finish the rest of the paperwork I'm supposed to bring to the Iowa Vein Center this afternoon too.  Apparently they need to know your past medical and family history as well as all the meds you're on (including times of day you take them and dosage).  Nosy people. 
It WILL be fine.  It really is nothing.  My body just feels the need to have an anxiety attack and freak out about it for no apparent reason.  That's just how I roll~~and roll with it I shall, but not without taking another clonazapam and doing some deep breathing exercises...

Needing Some Motivation Please...

Just can't seem to get myself motivated to do anything today.  I really should take Griffyn for a stroll on our beloved bike path or on another park adventure.  The sun is shining and it's a beautiful day.  Sooner than we think, winter will be upon us and I'll be wishing for days like this... 
Third load of laundry completed (Griff LOVES to help with laundry~especially pushing the buttons to start the washer and dryer) and I'm still sitting here in my sweats with my third cup of tea for the day.  Lunch is finally cleaned up and most of the toys put away~aside from G's 'Bob the Builder' vehicles and blocks which are in use as I type...
It just takes SO much for me to get out of the house these days.  Maybe it's because we're always rushing from point A to point B and back to point A again~~so if I don't HAVE to move, I just don't want to.  Aside from work and Max's football practice/games, and the occasional continuing ed. class, I just want to be home.  It's terrible.  I've gotten so lazy...
I really should MAKE myself, as I do so many other things, and I get so completely frustrated with myself for tiring so very easily!  I annoy myself, really.  I've become the biggest bump on a log...
In my younger days when I felt like this, I would sleep~a lot.  Not an option now.  Now I do chores around the house and "chat" on facebook.  I'd be so much more productive without the Internet.  Damn you, Al Gore, for inventing such a thing (wink)...
Maybe if I have just ONE more cup of tea, I can get this defiant body out for a walk with my baby and make the most of this glorious sunshine.  Okay, maybe two.  I'm enjoying listening to G's singing and the conversation he is making between his two trucks who are building quite a fabulous city.  Even my two year old has more motivation than I today...   

One of those weeks...

It has been one of those weeks.  I know we've all had them.  Hard weeks, where everything that possibly could go wrong does...  And the 'bad things' only seem to be compounded by your lack of sleep.  Everything seems worse without sleep.

I've been having vein issues for the past few months.  I guess I've always had them since the boys, but the searing, not able to run without crying, throbbing, burning, where each vein feels like it has it's own heart beat kind of pain hasn't started until a few months ago.  The intensity is just ridiculous (and it doesn't look too pretty either, but I could care less about that aspect of it).  No running.  My only stress relief--gone.  Scheduled to see Dr. Fry, the 'best' I've been told, at the Iowa Vein Center on October 1st, and holding out till then.  My job has been grueling due to having to be on my feet all day.  It has worsened with our lack of preschoolers since kindergarten started and I'm being shipped out to the baby rooms frequently--all week this week.  Getting off the ground and lifting very heavy 'little' ones (four little tikes every two hours) for diaper changes and keeping up with the pace of baby land has just been ridiculous.  There's NO sitting down or available time to elevate my feet in any way.  I get in the car and just bawl on the way home.  Hydrocodone can only do so much in a ten hour day.  Thanks to a note from my doctor, I'm hoping my work environment gets better and someone else can share the responsibilities of baby land--it would be nice to rotate teachers every now and then.  I'm very thankful that I have a job.  However, my job is not worth putting my body through hell.  I have my own family to care for when I get home--I don't have the luxury of just passing out on the couch...

To top it off my toddler has not been sleeping all week.  No sleep for him equals no sleep for me.  My husband attempts to help, but G only wants his mommy when he's hurting.  I kept thinking it was his allergies and his molars coming in.  Then the high fever and puking hit.  Why does it always hit in the wee hours of the morning?  After four days of this, I got him into our pediatrician to find out he has a double ear infection and hand, foot, and mouth disease.  Poor little guy.  He won't eat or drink anything and has lost a few pounds in the process.  He is also so clingy.  I'm a mess of sweat and drool as his little body is always on mine.  Our pede also informed me that both of his tubes have fallen out.  I want a refund!  Those suckers were supposed to get us through the winter, at least!!!  I hate night time.  It feels like I have an infant all over again.  Hopefully the omnicef will kick in for the ears in a few days and the blisters in his mouth will be gone soon.  I can't even get him to eat ice cream or Popsicles!So much for my teeth theory...

(this is what a double ear infection and hand foot and mouth looks like~look at those red, fever induced cheeks and ears!)

My poor oldest has gotten NO attention this week.  I've rushed him to football practice, rushed through homework, rushed through our Bible and prayer time, then he's rushed off to school again.  His allergies have been miserable and his meds are upped to my dose and eye drops have been introduced.  He's miserable, but not getting the lovings his baby brother is.  My husband has practices and meets for cross country all week (on top of his rigorous teaching duties), so we don't see much of Daddy.  He gets home when we're all in bed, so the parenting all falls to me at night.  I know he'd much rather be home with us, but I'm afraid M gets the short end of the stick as he's been having to fend for himself.  His spelling test results today were a testimate to his mommy's negligence in practicing his spelling words with him this week.  There's just always so much to do.

My house is in utter chaos.  The hamper is completely overflowing with laundry, there are toys all over the floor, ibuprofen and tylenol bottles all over the counter tops, sippy cups everywhere, and mail strewn across half the house.  I know I'm overwhelmed because I simply do not care.  I feel utterly defeated and don't have an ounce of energy to start the clean up process--and where do I start?  It will be there tomorrow, and hopefully some renewed sense of motivation will greet me with the dawn as well.

One of those weeks that will lead into one of those weekends.  Feeling a bit "Eeyorish".  I know this too shall pass, and healthier and brighter days are ahead (and hopefully more rest filled).  Right now, I will finish my tea and check on my baby's temperature once again.  Maybe we can find a movie everyone likes and have some snuggle time on the couch.  Just maybe.  Till then, it's back in the trenches of mommyhood.  Take care, all!

Goodbye Summer, Hello Back to School!

All the boys...

I am very tired.  Seems I always am ;o).  We had a busy weekend, which doesn't really set it apart from any other.  We celebrated my oldest son's birthday with a group of his friends at the bowling alley~complete with hot dogs, pop corn, sprite, and "Mario" cupcakes.  The boys were all very good~so polite, such wonderful manners, and so appreciative.  Even my youngest (all of 2 now!!!) cooperated pretty well.  We only lost track of him a couple of times ;o).  I had lots of "helpers" who enjoyed assisting me in keeping him in line.  We came back to our house and I've never been more thankful that we got Max a Wii last Christmas :o)!  A Lego Star Wars tournament ensued that kept them busy till their parents arrived.
The house is semi-picked up now.  Vacuuming needed to be done majorly.  Lots of dirty feet tracking in dirt and grass.  Laundry is "caught up" (for the next five minutes anyway).  Although I will confess there is one more load in the dryer and I may just "forget" about it till tomorrow.  The dishes are done and the kitchen is wiped down.  I promised the boys funnel cakes after supper tonight--but only if they eat ALL of their supper--what that is going to be, I have yet to decide.  We don't really have any left overs in the fridge.  There's one piece of lasagna, but I doubt it can be split four ways :O).  There is also some cheesy potato/chicken soup--but I'm really not quite sure how long it's been in there...
Part of the reason for the afore said special dessert is that the first day of school is tomorrow.  I can not believe how fast this summer has flown by.  Each one seems to fly by faster than the last.  Every other parent I've talked to is SO excited for their little ones (and big ones) to be headed back.  I'm not in the least.  Thank goodness my attitude is not rubbing off on my son.  He is super excited to start back to school!  He's been wishing the days away since we attended open house last week.
I agree that education is vitally important and I KNOW that my kids need it.  My husband is a teacher and I teach pre-K, so I get it already :O).  I'm just going to miss so many things about our summer 'routine' ;o). 
My husband started coaching a week or so ago.  Now will come the extra practices and meets on top of all the work that is required of him for teaching alone, so the boys and I will not see much of him.  Along with that, Hawkeye football starts--so we will just say goodbye to Daddy on the weekends for the next several months.  My oldest will also start football--his last year of flag.  I CAN NOT believe they start tackle in third grade already!  So we'll have practices and his games--games are most often on Sundays. 
I'll miss being able to let the boys stay out late playing outside--no more baseball in the backyard, riding bikes, catching frogs (aka "Bobbies), blowing bubbles, drawing with chalk, tossing bean bags, all till the sunsets.  Now it'll be school, practice, baths, homework, reading time, supper sometime in all that, and bed.  It saddens me.  I hate the rigidity.  There's barely time for what HAS to be done at night once school starts--let alone time for anything fun.  But, the boys DO need a break from each other.  They've been fighting a lot.  It HAS, admittedly, been driving me a little crazy.  
Off to Target for some jeans for Max.  He has grown so much and everything is too short.  He really wants a pair that he saw in the add with a skull and cross bones on it--which, for anyone who knows my son, is just kind of funny.  I'm sure we'll spend more than we intend--which seems to be the way of Target, then come home for supper, funnel cakes, baths, Bible time and prayer time and bed.  It will be so hard for them to see a light sky and understand why they can't be playing under it.  But, it will soon enough become routine once again.
Happy back to school to y'all!

The Doorway

The Doorway
from "The Wild Iris" by Louise Gluck


I wanted to stay as I was
still as the world is never still,
not in midsummer but the moment before
the first flower forms, the moment
nothing is as yet past~


not midsummer, the intoxicant,
but late spring, the grass not yet
high at the edge of the garden, the early tulips
beginning to open~


like a child hovering in a doorway, watching the others,
the ones who go first,
a tense cluster of limbs, alert to
the failures of the others, the public falterings


with a child's fierce confidence of imminent power
preparing to defeat
these weaknesses, to succumb
to nothing, the time directly


prior to flowering, the epoch of mastery


before the appearance of the gift,
before possession.