Another long week. Work has just been crazy. I miss the world 11 years ago when I first started teaching preschool. My how times have changed. Without getting into particulars, I am emotionally and physically spent from 30 hours of teaching the five and under set this week.
These past few months have been pruning times for my soul. Max got his tonsil and adenoids out. I was not prepared for the craziness his anxiety would set off. A very rough two weeks, lovingly supported by the encouragement and support of dear friends and family. G got croup on the tail end of Max's recovery, then pink eye, and now (drum roll please)--hand foot and mouth is causing another raging fever and lack of sleep for the little guy (as well as put him down to 33 pounds for my almost 4 year old). I think we set a record for three doctor trips in a seven day period. It's one I don't care to break, thank you. He is one tough kid. No doubt about it.
What this has meant for the boys and I is months and months of practically no sleep to very little (and for some crazy dreams when we do). I was, essentially, bragging to one of my girlfriends at work about how my body really doesn't need that much sleep (to convince my mind that it doesn't ;)), whilst putting a non food item into our refrigerator at work. I also showed up to work more than an hour early, stressing on the drive all the way there that I was going to be late, because I completely forgot what day it was. I wore two different shoes to work as well. Hmmmmmmmm, perhaps it has been deprived for a bit too long.
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| Griffyn fell asleep during one of his many nebulizer treatments... |
I did manage to get some soul renewing time in with some friends I hadn't spent time with in a great while. It was a wonderful woman's birthday, and although the following usual Monday morning alarm call of 4:30 a.m. was rough, the night was well worth it and just what the doctor ordered. I'm not the greatest at social situations as my anxiety often gets the better of me (just part of my "unique weirdness" ;)), but there are just some people that make you feel at ease and at home (and a few glasses of wine don't hurt either ;)). It was absolutely wonderful, and a big thanks to my husband who had to drive all the way across town on a Sunday night to take G to the only walk in clinic open as he began the onset of pink eye. I appreciate it it so much, Marty. I know it's no fun!!! And thanks to all the girls for including me. I had such a great time and can not remember the last time I have ever been in a limo (most likely Chary's wedding just out of college--so a billion years ago ;)).
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| Jen's birthday |
And through this all God is teaching me so much patience, gratefulness, peace, and thankfulness... because I KNOW, as in all things, it could be MUCH worse. It always could be.
I really don't make plans anymore. Anytime I do either I or one of my kids get sick. It's almost as if planning fun initiates the catastrophe, so I just don't do it ;). My husband was even under the weather this week. Now that takes a lot. NyQuil was his best friend.
I am learning to take one day at a time. For real. Not just saying it ;). My type A personality has been forced to take a back seat. I am NOT in control. Guess what? I never will be. I am actually, after almost 36 years, learning to roll with it, to trust God, and to take one hour (heck with this one day business) at a time. He's got this--along with the entire rest of the world--in his hands. He'll carry me. He'll carry my boys. So what if I can't work out consistently, sleep, or have a sane thought... I am being completely serious. I will be okay. WE will be okay. It will ALL be okay. It really will.
Eventually things will taper down (oh, who am I kidding? crazy is just how we roll ;)). Max is on two teams for baseball and my calendar is marked up with something every night and weekend between him, Marty coaching, work stuff, Griff and his budding new Bam Bam career, and everything else I'm supposed to try to keep track of. We do the best we can. And that IS enough. It's not an "I can" issue. Because, quite frankly, I know "I" can't. It's a WE can issue--that is, GOD and I. I completely trust him.
Completely...
Because I have to. And so another day rolls into another night of cuddling a little boy who is burning up but freezing--which equates to blankies with the ceiling fan on. It means I sing "you are my sunshine" till he falls asleep (mixed in with a few requests for "finkle finkle" aka "twinkle twinkle" and "sing a rainbow"), make sure Max gets all his homework done after practice, pray with the boys ("mom, if you're too busy, I can do it by myself"--sweet Max), tidy up after a hurried and thrown together dinner (sometimes healthy, sometimes more along the lines of snacks rather than a bonafied dinner), and get the backpacks, lunches, clothes all ready for the next marathon of a day. I know I can do all things...
through HIM who gives me STRENGTH.
I have truly never really felt the meaning of this verse in it's entirety until these past few months when my strength was gone, and His encompassed all...
March on, friends. He will carry you...
love and peace...
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